- Marshana Spavento
Our Children's Lives Are Their Own
When people say, "I want to give my child everything I never had." It sounds noble.
However, as well intentioned as that may be, it's logic that's rooted in lack. For me, I grew up poor, in Brooklyn, NY during the crime riddled 1980's. Simply doing more than what my parents did would be easy.
Just giving Luciano his own bed to sleep in has put me ahead of my parents, but I know that's not enough.
Some parents make the mistake of trying to heal their childhood wounds with the way they parent their own children. However, our children have needs that have nothing to do with what the childhood version of ourselves didn't get.
Our children's lives are their own.
My goal as Luciano's mother, is to throw out my childhood as a benchmark, and truly see him, for him. My aspiration is to give him what HE needs, and not what the childhood version of me wanted.
It's inevitable, I will fail him at times. I hope he gives me grace.
Until the end of time, I'll strive to do just this, give him experiences, expose him to different things, lean into what his interests are, and cultivate that.
Seeing the world through his eyes is my greatest reward. I vow to guide him, discipline him and love him...but also let him lead me to his dreams, understanding that this isn't my life life to live, but his, and my honor to witness.